want / need

This sometimes confuse me. I don't know what I want and what I need.

Most of the time I'd get what I want and not what I need. It makes me happy for a while, yes, but not for a long time which is bullshit. But what if I don't know what I need? Frustrating!!! But of course, I can't ask people about it! It is me, after all, that needs it. But what is it? Thinking about it now... I don't think I would be able to sleep. I don't know. I'm fucking clueless. I just hope that I'll find it soon enough so I could make myself really really happy. I want to be happy as fuck! Not just for a moment, but for a veeeery long time. I don't believe in forever so... a veeeeery long time it is! Haha!

uhh-what?

So this person is telling me what was happening with his "miserable" life. I may sound insensitive right now, but come on I told him upfront that I am never a good adviser! And it seems like he's expecting me to cry with him? I don't know. I don't get him most of the time. He's sad, yeah, and from my perspective... he expects the world to join him and all must feel miserable and shit. Really? Da fuq

I am not like that. I am never like that. When I'm sad, I'd be with happy people and we'll laugh all together and I somehow forget why I was sad... You know, I don't push people to feel the same way as I am. Ohmygod... Am I being insensitive right now? But come onn............

Anyway, will continue on writing my paper! Ugh

summer heat

It is already the 20th of March so of course, everyone is feeling the summer heat already. Oh man it sucks that school is still in. Whenever I do the things "im supposed to do", I always get sidetracked and caught myself imagining that I'm by the beach, in a dress, wearing my sunnies, with friends, some laughs, and a bottle of happiness.

I just want to be on the beach! As what Sandwich says on their song Sunburn. This song reminds me of high school or maybe my early college years. Man, that song used to be my anthem for summer! LOL and it still is,btw! Haha! Speaking of the song, now clicking on a new tab, go to youtube and listen to it! And again, I will be imagining myself by the beach, in a dress, wearing my sunnies, with friends, some laughs, and a bottle of happiness....

Anyway, last night or rather earlier this morning around 2AM-3AM was when the 'supermoon' showed. I think I was up until 2AM but too lazy to get up and peak by the window so I wasn't able to see it. That is all.

march 15th

You know the feeling where you want to do something but you don't know how to do it? You don't know where to start? And yet you want to end it as fast as possible? What.I'm.Feeling.Right.Now. Duh! I want to finish this thing, but I don't know what to do the in-betweens, the process of finishing it. LOL! I just want to finish it already! Well, this is effed up! Yup. This is. Ktnxbye

i am never friendly

Yes, it's true. I will not talk to you unless you talk to me first. It's just how the way I am. Some people even think I'm a snob or something but I'm somewhat relieved when they tell me that I'm really not. When some people asks me, "why are you so quiet blah blah", I always answer "there's nothing to say" and right after that they assume that I don't want to talk to them, they'll think I'm a snob etc etc...

Or maybe, I really am a snob. HAHA

you only live once -the strokes

Now, this is the current song of my life. Haha! I think I can relate to it's lyrics too much esp at these lines...

"Some people think they're always right
Others are quiet and uptight
Others they seem so very nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice...(oh-ho)
Inside they might feel sad and wrong (oh no)

And countless odd religions, too
It doesn't matter which you choose (oh no)
One stubborn way to turn your back (oh-ho)
This I've tried and now refuse (oh-ho)"

Anyway, I don't really know what to share. Nothing really happened to me these past few days hence my absence. So, later.

the heartbreak moment -her space holiday

Been listening to this song for forever which means since yesterday. HAHA! Heard this first the other day(yup just the other day so I'm sorry) from Solenn Heussaff's Youtube video with her brother, Erwan Heussaff. Solenn Heussaff is a Filipino-French model, make-up artist and recently joined the showbusiness, while Erwan Heussaff is a chef. Anyway, yeah that's where I heard the song first. Fell in love with the song right after I heard it and been on repeat since. That is all.

"I used to think that being alone would somehow simplify my life..."

"I used to think that being in love would somehow complicate my life, but I really know my heart and I can hear yours beat with mine..."

"can't you see it's still intact?"

Woke up at around 10AM, had coffee and pandesal with queso de bola and mayo. Yup, queso de bola and mayo! It was fine. Yummy, actually!

Received a text message from a friend telling me they're going to the mall and I replied "game!". HAHAHA! I do not even know why they're going, I just said yes. But before I went to the mall, I went to school first to also meet up with a friend/classmate to get something from him and to show him (because he's our leader on this group project) what I've done.

I fuckin waited for 30 minutes! Their I was sitting and listening to my iPod. I even texted him twice telling him I was there already, still I haven't got a reply. Then after 30 minutes of waiting, I decided to message him I'm going, he then replied and asked where I was. WHAT THE FUCK! So, if I didn't text him that I was going already, he wouldn't come?! FUCKIN PISSED EARLIER. Though I wanted to tell him I was pissed, I couldn't and I don't even know why. Maybe because we're not that close...

So I went to the mall and met up with my friends. Had ice cream. Tagged along while they were looking for accessories for my friend's condo unit. Two of my friends were designing it, they're not professionals yet though, they're graduating students and my friend's unit is their practicum. And then we went to my friend's house and saw his cute little brother. HAHA! We then went back to the mall to buy more stuff and to have dinner. We ate at the food court. We sat to this table with some uncleaned plates still there so my friend said we transfer to the other table which was just beside that table, and the lady just finished her food so we said it was okay or so we thought... We stared at the tray with some food still there for some time, we were wondering if the lady was finished already. I then took the tray off the table and was about to transfer it to the other table and this lady in blue (she looks pregnant, so I am sorry baby mama! haha) came to us and said "what are you doing? why are putting my food there?" something like that. And me, being this humble little kid (HAHAHA) said "Im sorry, we thought you're done already" and then she said "Obviously I'm not, can't you see it's still intact?" and again I said sorry and went away. At that moment right there, I thought INTACT?! Really lady in blue, huh? You're food's intact to the table... Well why was I able to transfer it to the other table then?! OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T, SO YOUR REASON'S INVALID AND WHY DO YOU LEAVE YOUR FOOD ON THE TABLE? DON'T YOU KNOW WE'RE IN A FOOD COURT? ANYONE CAN SEAT ANYWHERE!! But no, I didn't say that and just said sorry. Fucker

I need to learn on how to confront people. Not in a stupid way like that stupid lady in blue did, but in a way that I'll be able to defend myself. Something like that.

So there goes my day.

because I heard someone say 'graduation'

and that someone is my nephew. Yes, my nephew. He's not that young though, maybe 2 years younger than me. And yes, again, he's graduating already. AND I HAVEN'T EVEN GRADUATED YET. That part sucks! I was supposed to graduate last year but you know, shit happened. No, technically I didn't fail. I wasn't able to complete my incomplete so there... my professor marked me fail. FUCKSACJKASFDSC!!!

I didn't know this would happen. Someone actually told me that I could complete my incomplete in my 4thyear. But 4thyear came, and I was marked fail. I didn't even bother to ask a professor or anyone from the school's office if the thing that someone told me is true. So, obviously it isn't. Bummer! Oh well. The damage has been done. And plus 2years in my college life. Why 2years you ask? IT IS COMPLICATED TO EXPLAIN HERE AND IS A VERY LONG STORY.

Anyway, when I heard my nephew say something about his graduation. First thing I thought was... I want to move out when I graduate. Yes, I want to. I really, really want to. This place is too crowded for us, or maybe just for me. I don't know how I'll be able to live alone, though. But I know I'll survive. Work. I need to work. I've got one more year to go and I'll be welcoming myself to the real world. HAHAHA

PS

I think I need to save up from now on HAHAHA

March 1st

Goodbye February, Hello March!

I don't know to you but I don't like February...that much...because it is 'Love Month'. Don't get me wrong though, I love 'love', I just don't have someone to share it with. I know you'll say share it with your family, friends blah blah... Well, I did. But you know, having SOMEONE to share it with is different. SOMEONE. I may sound desperate or whatever but, I just want to celebrate this so called 'love month' with someone. SOMEONE OVERLOAD HERE! Hahaha!

Anyway, February's gone already! We have March now! Just a month away from April! Which is........ SUMMER!!! Hells yeah. But not too excited though, because this time April means thesis... Yup! This summer, I'll probably spend most of my time in the library, researching and stuff. Oh man! First week or two weeks of April might be my time for having fun! Gotta make the most out of it!!

PS

I deleted my other blog here on blogspot because I thought it was shit. It isn't going anywhere.

So, from now on I'll update more and will try a day-to-day journal or something like that. Cheers!

C